“She’s great, but…”
I’ve heard this line too many times over the past 35 years, across boardrooms from Tokyo to Dubai, Frankfurt to Istanbul.
It’s said in different accents, in different languages, but always with the same outcome: doubt disguised as diplomacy.
And every time I hear it, I flinch, because the “but” that follows is rarely about competence, and I know what’s coming next…
- “She’s great, but… is she assertive enough?”
- “She’s great, but… would she be able to handle the pressure?”
- “She’s great, but… she just had a baby.”
- “She’s great, but… the client might prefer a man.”
It’s exhausting.
And more importantly, it’s still happening.
I recently took part in a session in Dubai hosted by The Marketing Society under its Think Equal initiative. The goal was to address the real, and sometimes uncomfortable, truths about the systemic and unconscious biases still holding women back in the workplace.
The discussion was honest, raw, and long overdue. We talked about visible bias, hidden bias, and the kind that’s so deeply rooted in culture, we don’t even notice its bias anymore.
In some regions, leadership is still unconsciously equated with masculinity. Assertiveness gets misread as aggression. Emotional intelligence gets dismissed as being “too soft” or “too nice”.
What struck me wasn’t just the external barriers, it was the internalization of these narratives. Too many brilliant women were still carrying the weight of proving they belong, instead of simply owning the space they’ve already earned.
I’ve spent over three decades working with some of the world’s most respected brands, across the Americas, Europe, Africa, the Middle East, and Asia. And across all those cultures, one truth remains:
Bias doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it whispers. And those whispers shape careers.
So, here’s the uncomfortable truth: most managers aren’t going to wake up tomorrow as fully enlightened, bias-free champions of equality. But we can get better at navigating the system that exists, while we work to change, because waiting for cultural norms and corporate structures to catch up isn’t a strategy. It’s a delay tactic.
So in the spirit of ToughLove, here are five no-nonsense ways to confront bias, and beat it.
1. Own the Room. Don’t Wait to Be Invited.
Stop waiting for someone to ask if you’d like a seat at the table. Take the seat. Rearrange the chairs if you have to. If you act like you belong, others eventually follow your lead.
2. Ditch the “I’m Not Ready” Script.
No one feels fully ready. Not men. Not women. Not even CEOs with three assistants and a mindfulness coach.
The difference? Men often say ‘YES” when they tick some of the boxes. Women wait until they tick all of them – twice.
3. Speak Money. Speak Strategy.
Start framing your value in commercial terms. In language the Board understands: revenue, ROI, retention. Likability won’t win the pitch. Performance and results will.
4. Build a Power Network, Not Just a Support Circle.
Empathy is great. But ambition needs allies, not just shoulders to cry on
Surround yourself with people who challenge you, advocate for you, and open doors when you’re not in the room.
5. Flip the Bias. Own the Label.
Let’s change the narrative:
Change “Too emotional” into “emotionally intelligent”.
Instead of “Aggressive”, say “decisive.
“Bossy”? That’s leadership, just with better posture.
Let’s be real: this change isn’t coming overnight. Culture is stubborn. Corporate norms are sticky. But change doesn’t start with awareness, it starts with action.
To male leaders reading this: challenge the “but.” Call it out when you hear it. Especially when it’s your own.
To women navigating these unspoken rules every day: don’t shrink to fit. Stand tall, speak up, and take your space.
And to everyone else: stop waiting for the culture to change. Be the part that does.
